My stbx had the kids for the long holiday weekend. Four whole nights, any good dad's dream, I would think. He seemed a bit put off about it though and asked a number of times when I would be back and when I could receive the children again. I told him Sunday, as I would want the same corteousy next year. Well, the kids spilled the beans today that they spent the night at Grandma and Grandpas house Saturday afternoon through the next morning, because daddy was having a sleep over at a girls house. Now, I'm steamed that the kids would even know a thing, I'm hoping it's only their imaginations and that was not said to them. But I am even angrier that he left the kids elsewhere and never informed me of it, not prior to, or after the event. And even went so far as to omit the truth to me the next day. S lost her tooth at the pancake house, not S lost her tooth at the pancake house with G & G but I wasn't there to see it and have her call to tell you.
Now, my big question, that makes this a dilemma, not just a rant, is what he did legal? Am I unreasonable to assume that if the children are assumed to be in his care and they leave his care that I should be informed of that decision? A good friend thinks I should bring it up with the lawyer, but I hate to make a mountain out of a molehill if I'm being a bit sensitive. On the other hand, I think I deserve to know if my kids are sleeping somewhere other than where I've been told they would.
My name is Jennifer, I'll try to keep it short. 8 year marriage, together 3 before that, at least 3 years of marriage counseling (in reality longer, but that was the longest and the latest) and a mutual decision to part ways, irreconcilable differences. 2 young children, 4 and 6. We all seem to be handling the moving on part quite well. I'm fairly certain he has begun dating, I'm trying to, but with no luck. I do not miss him or love him anymore, quite frankly I resent having to deal with him at all, but I must since it is best for the children. I am having the most trouble with the little things, the little things drive me crazy. For instance, he just had the children for 5 days for the holiday. It never occurred to him to bath them, they came home filthy and smelly. Am I unreasonable to expect a 46 year old man would know that the children need to be bathed during that period of time? I am also quite annoyed that during his visit he left the kids with his parents for an overnight. I feel that he sees them so little, why can't he conduct his personal business while they are with me, why sacrifice even an evening with them when he has so few? This last point is really none of my business, I get that, but it still burns me up.
I'm hoping for friendship and advice and guidance and someone to talk me down of the ledge of anger I sometimes feel.
I have spent the last few days reading Ojaroo stories and I can't believe how much it has helped me. I am in counseling but find these posts more helpful than anything at this point. I met a nice guy (the wrong guy, I think) and started a worldwind romance. Within 3 months he asked me to marry him, we bought a home together within 6. In month 7, he cheated. He probably had relationships going all along, but I got confirmation at month 7. I realize that I played a part in our demise. I became insecure and needy as I felt him pulling away. I threw tempertantrums when I saw the disconnect. He says the TTs made him run faster and further away. Then I started breaking things (phone, dishes) to get his attention and get him back, but of course it sent him bolting out the door. But why the disconnect in the first place? My poor behavior was a reaction to YOUR hollow heart. What happened to the happy heart? You promised you would never hurt me (the same thing I see you now promsing her). I missed the gear shift.
No, this was not the man of my dreams, but the man who I believed would help make my dreams come true. I was willing to settle believing that if I loved and tried hard enough things would be ok. I thought you loved me enough for both of us and I could join you "in love" later when I felt the tingle in my toes. My mother tells me I am garbage and I ran you away. Pushed you too hard --YOU drove our pace and direction. (Anyone have a bitter mom?) Just can't believe you came on so strong then ran away from me like a cheetah, a yellow bellied coward! I am left here to clean up our mess (shame, guilt, wedding contracts, friends, my kids, my f**ing big mouth mom). I am embarrased to death, but must smile like whatever. My ExHub and his new wife are watching "the show". I am sure they laugh at me.
ExBF has shut me down completely like I cheated on him. I am so sorry I overracted to his repeated lies and betrayal --reading his words to her (the words he didn't say to me anymore) almost killed me. Somehow, my antics have trumped his lies and affair. How does that happen? How did the roles get switched? Why isn't he running after me to save US? Why isn't he begging for my forgiveness and our future our home? Am I that bad?
I have never been abandoned or rejected. Its sick and sad. I want him back only to dump him --I think. I have been on a 100 dates (no sex), internet hook ups, ev one makes me ill. I am doing it for a diversion waiting for him to value me again, and this time I won't say mean and hurtfuls things (even if they are true). I feel desperate, played, alone, empty. I can't see or hear him so I don't know what his is feelingor thinking. Probably nothing. How can you live without me? You said I was the one you could not live without. Are you telling her that too?
Today would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. It's still a little hard to believe. This all happened so fast and completely caught me off guard. I would have never imagined that my husband would have left me for another woman. He married her this year by the way. That was kind of hard to take, it did give me some sense of closure but I'm still so confused and hurt.
I've toyed with the idea of dating again, I know it's time to start living again. It's been a little over 3 years since we divorced. The problem is, my self esteem took a devastating blow with the divorce. I feel like there's nothing good about me. I have lots of friends but am too afraid to put myself out there for a man. Whether I like to admit it or not, what's left of my heart is still broken in a million pieces. I think I'm afraid that if I offer what little I have left, and the same thing happens, I wouldn't be able to stand it again.
My friends all say I have a lot to offer, but I don't feel that way. I feel worthless and ugly. The words that my ex said to me reverberate over and over in my head. I know he was grasping at straws towards the end to justify his infidelity, but again, they keep popping in my head as major flaws that I have. Why is it that words from our ex's affect us so much? Is it because they came from someone we loved and trusted completely? How do people hurt others like that and just move on with their lives as if we never existed? Do they not realize the destruction that they've caused? Do they care?
I don't mean to sound mopey and down, but this day has always been a hard one to take since the divorce. I want to cry so badly, but over the years I think I've used up all the tears I can on him. Maybe that in and of itself is a sign that it's time to close that chapter and move on. On a daily basis, it is much easier to deal with but around the holidays it always brings back memories.
For those of you just beginning this journey, don't let this discourage you. I am much better, it does get easier, but there are days (such as anniversaries) that still hurt. I will allow someone in to my heart again, this I know, but for today I'm stuck in the past and alone with my memories.
My story isn't a break up story...it is a "I don't know what to do" story. I guess I will start at the beginning. I grew up with alcoholic parents and druged out siblings, so I dont have the best family. I wanted something better with my life an what they were doing to themselves. I started dating the boy that is now my husband when I was 13. He was 16. He has a great family. Everything I wish I had. We were together all the time. I loved everything about him but things turned bad not too far in. He wanted me to do things I didn't want to do and I did it because I always wanted to make him happy. But I soon got tired of it...I left him...I was 15, then. He didn't take the break-up well. After 7 months, I decided to try again. He said he would change and I believed him. Things were better for a long time. It was wonderful. I mean, we still fought and argued but he wasnt making me do anything I didnt want to do. Then I found out I was pregnant, I was 18 and scared. How was I going to be a good mother at such a young age. During my pregnancy I moved in with him and I found out some things about him i didn't know, things I didnt like. Lets just say he is a huge perv. But he said he wouldnt do anything and I had to think about my baby now so I stayed. I had my baby and things were good. We soon got married. Since we have gotten married, I have found out that he has different views on love as me. He thinks it is stupid to be with one person for the rest of your life. That both partners should have fun with others if they want but come home to each other at night. I totally dont like this. I am now 22 and my son is 3. my husband and me fight all the time now. I am beginning to really hate him. I want to leave so bad, bit I am afraid. I think he will take my baby from me. I dont have family that would be suitable to stay with. I have no money. I have no where to go. I dont know what to do. Im sorry if this sounds all crazy. My mind is all messed up. If any one has any advice...I'd appreciate it. Thanks!
1. Find a spiritual connection,however you define it 2. Alcohol and drugs will take the pain away, but you will have to do it everyday, and you will still wake up with the pain. 3. Talk to someone, get it out, find someone and dump it all. 4. Isolation does not work, you cannot do this alone. 5.Exercise works, even a 30 minute walk daily. 6.Nasty words coming from the mouth directed at the ex have no positive benefit, words can be so powerful, and cut very deep. 7.You will be stronger as a result of this, it is pretty empowering. 8. Feel your pain, do not let it control you. I hope someone can grab something from this, please feel free to add to my list, we are all in this together.
So, she is gone, and there is no communication on our part. Her new life has begun, and me, well, I did what I was use to doing. Self medicating, push those feelings down, and feel sorry for myself, nice. At this point, the stomach pains have lessened considerably, but my nasty little prescription habit had increased. I could not afford to keep buying the heavy duty pain killers, by chance I found an over the counter pain medication that was legal to buy and came in the value size=200 oh ya jackpot.Tylenol#1 available in Canada legally, in the US you need a prescription to get. 8mg of codeine per tablet, Tylenol#3 has 30 mg per tablet. I had hoped for, at the very least, co parenting to some degree from my ex, not to be. I was gone from her mind and nothing I could say or do was going to change that. Acceptance, ah, not in my vocabulary at that time. I kept trying, maybe we could go for coffee and talk about school stuff. Sure, was the standard reply, never happened though.She is a good person, she loves our son, I imagine it must have been quite exciting discovering who you really are and finally getting the chance to live life as you have always wanted.Her new spouse had some control issues, I am glad I was at least smart enough to see that. I left them alone and let God guide. Tough to do, but I am glad I surrendered on that point. My ex and her new spouse traveled extensively, many over sea trips and holidays. They went to Disneyland, took my son, all had a great time. Everyone was enjoying life, almost everyone. I started at 10 Tylenol #1at once, then 10 more at night. Once 10 did not work anymore , it got to 20 at once, twice daily. Then 25, twice daily. This started in 2000, and ended 18 days ago. The max daily dosage of acetaminophen is 4000 mg per day, I was doing 15000 to get my codeine and numb my pain, for 8 years. My ex had an open door policy with our son, 24/7 no restrictions on access, a mistake I regret. More structure was needed,she did not want to deal with me, and I gave up on her. I accepted this for the most part. Still had hope of some kind for co parenting, to no avail. We never fought, our marriage was good for the most part. Hard part for me has been accepting she never loved me, it just reinforced my own insecurities in myself, doormat syndrome. The healing has begun, 8 years later. I am homeless, broke, still withdrawing and healing from all the self medicating, but it is a start.My son is a B average in school, and we talk daily. He is doing well, and his mother is providing quite nicely for him. I am hoping for a joint agreement between us, 2 weeks with her, 2 with me. That will not happen till the new year, or not. If the courts need to be involved, so be it. I have accepted the fact she has no interest in discussing anything with me, even our son. That is ok also, perhaps at a later point there may be some effort on both our parts. Thanks for reading, maybe my story can help in some way to someone else. Raising my son for 8 years and now only being on the sideline has been tough to swallow, I am glad that they are reconnecting though. S
Hello to All, Greetings from Vancouver Canada, my name is Steve and I am hurting/healing as you read this.My wife is a lesbian, always has been, but never was able to come to terms with her own sexual preference.We split up a week before our 6th anniversary, in December of 2000, a week before Christmas, double whammy!! To tell my story will be long, not sure if there is a limit here on how much you can say, I guess I am going to find out.Three years into our marriage and one beautiful son later, something happened one night as we went out with friends to a sports bar. I have been sexually abused in my past, gay men, abducted 18 months when I was 12. This has given me the uncanny yet scary ability to read people quite well, except for my wife. Eventually my little antenna kicked in with her at the sports bar, she and a girlfriend decided to start dancing on a table top. That was it, I knew then something was wrong, she seemed so happy, hard to explain, her smile and body language said it all. We talked a bit about it, and she admitted she was having some feelings for this girl. Panic, fear, no anger though, that sick feeling in your stomach all kicking in at the same time. I suggested she meet up with her, and go from there, denying it did not appear as an option. Secretly I had hoped it would all crash at her feet, I even drove her to the friends place. 4 hours later, the friend said to my wife, I like you, only as friends, I would never even consider coming between you and your family. My wife is telling me this as we drive home, and then says she is not gay, but confused for some reason she cannot explain. As time goes on, the truth comes back, I started to get sick, deathly sick.Unexplained pains in my stomach, many doctor visits, same response, there is nothing wrong with you physically. It got to the point were morphine was the only comfort I could sustain, even then it still did not help, my physical pain was my emotional pain manifested in my stomach. She woke up one morning, and said this marriage is over, she had been secretly seeing another lesbian for months, I found this out much later. I asked her after she dropped the marriage over bomb, can we talk about it?Her response was, I do not want to talk about anything. I asked her to leave our house 2 weeks later, the late nights or not coming home at all began to take its toll on me.My son was with me, and I have been raising him for 8 years until April of this year, he now lives with his mom. We both worked at the same job, when we split. I took days, she took nights, and the memory of what was lingered on. Most co-workers we knew quite well, she was a supervisor, I was one of the shift managers. The look on the faces of the staff was so tough, the knife kept jabbing inside again, most were ok and supportive, some were having much laughs at my expense. I need to take a break, thanks for reading so far, I will finish off the rest later when I can, sorry about the length, part of my healing process,
Hi there, I suppose netiquette would have me lurk for a while and get a feel for the tone of the site before introducing myself, but these days, if I don't jump right in, I'll forget the site exists.
The separation itself isn't new, but really getting the divorce to happen ... pfew. For the past month or so, I've been feeding it prunes. While there've been wince moments galore, over the past few days he's come out with performances worthy of Woody Allen. As long as I'm cleared of all liability long before the Soon-Yi act hits the stage ...
I gave the go-ahead for claiming whatever he wanted to about me, for the sake of a) getting this past the judge, who would raise questions as soon as b) baby starts whimpering for momma, who maybe wasn't so bad after all but is re-jeeeeeeeeecting him. It hadn't occurred to me that he would invent things and then believe them. Whew. Who knew I was so wild?
My marriage to the Czech Gold diggin whore is over. Here are the terms of the divorce ( in which I went through 2 attorney's to fight with ). She gets the house and a year to refinance, she gets $756 a month in support, she gets the washer and dryer, she gets joint custody of our infant daughter and I must sign onto a passport for her. Here's what I got; The SHAFT! I get the standard Tuesday and Thursdays with my daughter and 1 weekend a month. I lose: The house I bought, the furniture, the washer and dryer and I must pay off the 2006 truck in which we bought ( in which she rolled her existing car loan onto ). My attorney has told me that I got the better end of the deal because in today's economy, she will have hard time refinancing the home. Hello! Not if she is banging Mr. Country club owner and has relatives who live in Europe living on the Euro.
Tell me the family court system in this country does not suck ass. Here she is, not even a citizen, used me for the green card and papers, got pregnant with my child, accused me of domestic violence ( which was thrown out ) and she gets everything?
Just today I informed her that I would be picking up our daughter early from daycare so that I could spend time with her for Halloween and she goes and gets our daughter out before I can get there to see her. I have also learned that during our marriage, her entire family was in on the fraud not to mention her Czech friends here in the states. The whole ploy was to get legal, take the house and all of my money. Now she is trying to take my daughter and raise her with another man in which she committed adultery with just because he has money.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get my daughter away from this woman? I am seeing red and I think she is trying to get me pissed so I will lose custody of her.
I wrote here a few weeks back- my partner disappeared over 3 weeks ago now whilst we were on holiday. After my futile attempts to make contact- I adhered to advice here and gave up . Yesterday I received an email. It was cold in tone- She said she was seeing a counsellor and GP to examine her pattern of behaviour and hence didnt think she could talk to me for a few months- I really dont understand which makes it so difficult. Ive come to realise that i will no doubt never hear from her again. Apart from the shock- a terribly lonliness has set in. Superfluous things like- how to explain such a thing to friends and colleagues become real. Canceling joint interests, invitations and plans for christmas have been done with trepidation.
I really miss my dog too- we didnt have kids, but he was very close to me. I have texted her since her email - requesting if I could see him . I dont care if someone else accompanies him - I just need to hold him. In the context of posts here- I guess I look kind of pathetic. Im not one to bare my soul so openly- but I am hurting beyond anything I have experienced. My question is- how can I make her understand that I just wish to see my dog. For anyone here that is an animal lover you may well understand. My dog had nothing to do with this- and I dont see why she wont allow me to see him when she knows how much he means to me. For my own sanctity and sanity and to distant myself from the heart ache- im planning to move overseas and start afresh. I just wish I could see my dog one last time.
Is this a legal subject or just personal?
